Standing Up for Yourself: How Women Can Communicate Assertively in the Workplace
Assertive communication is essential to establishing healthy relationships, expressing ourselves confidently, and achieving goals in professional and personal settings. It enables us to express our thoughts, needs, and feelings directly and respectfully, while considering the perspective and needs of others. Despite this, assertive communication only sometimes comes naturally, and many women struggle with being too passive in their communication style.
This blog post explores the different aspects of assertive communication and provides practical tips and strategies for developing and enhancing it.
Why is assertive communication important for women in the workplace?
Communication with assertiveness is crucial for women in the workplace, as traditionally, women have been socialised to be more passive and less assertive, making it challenging for women to speak up and be heard in male-dominated environments. Using assertive communication can help women overcome these socialisations and achieve their career goals more effectively.
Assertive communication is essential for many reasons:
Clear Expression Builds Trust: Expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs fosters understanding.
Preventing Misunderstandings: Communicating needs and wants avoids conflicts.
Healthy Boundaries Boost Self-Esteem: Asserting oneself sets boundaries and increases confidence.
Improved Problem-Solving: Hearing and considering diverse ideas enhances decision-making.
Effective Negotiations: Active listening promotes better collaboration and negotiations.
Goal Achievement: Expressing wants and needs aids in effective goal pursuit.
Positive Work Environment: Open communication creates productivity and positivity.
How can I be assertive but respectful?
Many women are reluctant to speak up because they believe it implies being bossy, pushy, or disrespectful. Assertiveness does not have to be any of those things; it is simply valuing one's thoughts, feelings, and voice.
An example of constructive assertiveness would be when one expresses their opinion on a proposal that they have differing views on. The assertive communicator uses "I" statements and expresses their own viewpoint rather than making assumptions or accusations about others when disagreeing with a proposal. For example, rather than saying, "This proposal is terrible", assertive communicators might say, "I recognise the good points in your proposal, but I would like to suggest a different solution that is more aligned with our goals and budget."
When communicating assertively, you don't have to always disagree with the other party; it's about expressing yourself honestly, respectfully and considering their needs and wants.
In this situation, disagreeing with a proposal in an assertive manner allows the speaker to communicate their views and concerns while recognising the other person's perspective. As a result, it provides an opportunity to speak openly and actively solve problems, helping build and maintain better relationships.
10 tips on how to develop an assertive communication style
Becoming more assertive than we are today requires a different communication style. Here are my top 10 tips and strategies:
Use "I" statements: Being assertive is about respecting your needs and valuing your point of view. It isn't about judging others or telling them they are inferior because they are wrong. Avoid pointing fingers in your sentences by using "I" statements. By doing so, you will learn how to communicate assertively.
You should also use one-word terms to describe feelings, such as anxious, happy, and frustrated, so your communication is as straightforward as possible. Try formulating your responses using "I" statements. For example: "When you ask me to cover your shift, I always feel anxious." Stay assertive while commenting on how you feel. Share when you feel that way, what causes you to feel that way, and what you think might help.
Learn to say "NO": Get comfortable saying no without apologising. Directly say "no" instead of offering an alternative. So, let's say you don't want to work unpaid overtime again.
Here's an example of assertive communication. Rather than saying:
"I'm unsure if I'll come to work this evening."
Say:
"No. I don't think doing unpaid overtime is fair."
Saying "no" straightaway is better than making lame excuses when you are asked to do something you do not want to do. Consider why you are saying "no" and provide a valid reason for your decision. Getting to the point quickly is always the best course of action. If you cannot think of a justifiable reason on the spot, say you will think about it and come back with an answer later. Don't allow people to force you into making rushed decisions.
Ask for what you want: Let people know exactly what you need, what you want, or what does not work for you. Communicate your ideas, opinions, and requirements concisely and without unnecessary explanations, elaborations, or apologies.
For instance, if you are uncomfortable working in an open space office, you may explain why you are more productive working alone or from home and provide evidence of your success. Using this method, you can communicate your needs to a co-worker or supervisor in a way that is directly related to your job.
Avoid filler words and phrases: The use of filler words such as "um", "er", "so", "sort of", "I guess", and "you know what I mean" often creeps in when you're nervous, but they distract from your message.
Likewise, do not use phrases that convey a lack of confidence, such as "I am not sure if that is right..." or "Does that make sense...?"
Instead, get comfortable using silence. Taking pauses makes your speech easier to hear and allows your audience to process your ideas.
There is more power in less. You should prepare your points in advance, for example, "This is important because...", "This is the outcome I am looking for...", "This is what I want..." Keep your points concise and avoid overexplaining.
Use your voice: Make use of your breath and your voice. Do not let the internal thought that you should 'be quiet' stop you from exploring your voice's full range and breadth.
This doesn't mean having to shout. The key here is to fill your lungs with air before speaking to maintain your volume. By doing this, you keep the attention on you.
Speak slowly so your message sounds confident. Be sure to pronounce every syllable of your words to ensure your meaning is understood. If you tend to speak in a shrill voice when you're nervous, practice speaking in a steady, melodic, and resonant voice. Don't raise your voice at the end of a sentence when making an important point.
Use confident body language: You will appear self-assured and assertive to your colleagues. Maintain eye contact, smile, stand tall, chest out, head up, and keep your shoulders back. Be mindful of your proximity when talking to others, and don't invade their space. Make sure your arms, hands, and gestures are relaxed.
Practice eye contact: Keep your gaze fixed on the other person rather than shifting it when you feel like shrinking away. Practising this with someone you're comfortable with at first may be helpful.
Speak in the present tense: Use the present tense to convey immediacy.
Practice active listening: Take the time to listen to what others say and respond in a way that acknowledges their perspective while standing up for your own.
Rehearse your conversations: If you feel nervous about being more assertive, practice your conversations in front of a mirror. You should keep your practice conversations clear and direct. The practice can help you anticipate how your statements would sound in a real situation.
Remember that assertive communication isn't about being aggressive or overbearing. It's about standing up for yourself and your ideas confidently and respectfully. With practice and support, women can learn to communicate assertively in the workplace and achieve their goals and objectives.
Next steps
In the workplace, assertiveness can be challenging, especially for women. While women are often expected to be more passive and accommodating to others' ideas, assertiveness is a critical skill that is essential to career advancement. Are you ready to take your assertive communication skills to the next level and stand out as a leader in the workplace?
Sign Up for My Assertiveness Programme
Not sure if this programme is the right fit for you? No problem! I invite you to learn more about how my coaching can support you overcome your workplace challenges and grow your assertiveness skills.
